Holy Isshh! I’m now blogging…cool beans *prances*.
It’s the season for lovers – Valentine’s day – and it’s only fitting that I kick it off with some tips on how to light some flames in and out of the bedroom that will blaze much longer than this 24 hour lover’s day frenzy.
It’s a “Goodaz Guide” because it requires confidence, daring and sexual courage.
So..here we go!
V-Day this year was on a Thursday…smack dab in the middle of your weekly monotone. *yawns* There’s really only so much you can do before you have to wake up for work on Friday so let’s not try to achieve the impossible. What is possible however, is creating a weekend experience that makes Monday morning more than just the countdown to Friday but the day after forever. So let me share with you some tips that can improve this V-day weekend experience and ensure an unforgettable experience.
Shave! Unless your man has expressed a preference for a lush garden get yourself a stick razor and remove the excess ‘clutter’. It’s veeeery arousing and erotic for a man to be able to see the goods (whether or not he’ll be dining). Secretly, all men want a porn-like sexual experience and if you can’t do the whips, chains, implants and stripper heels this is a suitable compromise. You don’t have to go clean-shaven; there are various shapes and designs available. If you’re not sure which to choose visit a porn website and take your pick. If you’re a first timer I’d suggest you get a wax, only if you can afford it because we still have bills to pay, right?
To make it even more erotic you can even ask him to help you shave but of course if you want to surprise him it’ll have to be a do-it-yourself job.
P.S. Shaving your vagina and leaving your legs, armpits and abdomen hairy will defeat the purpose of a porn-like experience so if you’re guna do this you have to commit and go all the way woman!
Are you thinking about getting your hair and nails done (the full perm, set and dry…mani-pedi) to impress him when he sees you? Expecting him to drool at your perfectly primed body? GIVE IT A REST! He may notice but the only person getting tingles about that is you when you see your french tipped toes sprawled out in your Bridgets – and the girl across from you who doesn’t own a Bridget and is secretly despising you for having them on. If those are the tingles you’re going for then good for you…but I doubt it.
You want him to fight an erection when he sees you so you’ll have to get dressed for HIM. Just for one night! One night!! Do it for him. This means, wearing what you know he’ll definitely want to take off.
Another key element is your hair. If he loves you in weave then get the best pack of Remy you can find and rock that human hair…stay away from the plastic, that is never appropriate.
On the other hand if he hates it then for the sake of all that is good and true don’t wear it an’ den vex when yuh nuh get a compliment! Avoid the tracks and the ponytails and all that other goodness. It’s his night, remember?? You’re trying to reel him in so make it worth his while.
Do some stretches. Loosen up your muscles…it’s time to increase your range of motion. This is important for tip #4. Warm up those muscles at some point in the day…very close to that bedroom encounter. Hold each stretch for about 30 seconds so you can really feel it. An important theme for Valentine’s is SEX so if you’re going to call it Valentine’s sex then make it worth his while – yes, I’m repeating – and memorable. You can purchase some lingerie or the appropriate bedroom gear (you know his kinky ways so play them up, with added intensity). Make sure you have some lube on hand to help ease the various processes along 😉
Stretch, stretch, stretch! It will make or break…and we don’t want to break
TOTAL DOMINATION: If you’re the type of woman who takes it lying down – and from the stories I’ve heard from men it seems most of us are – then tonight you have to dominate. From the moment you get a ‘rise’out of him you have no choice but to unleash the vixen.
*pause* I’m making two assumptions here. One, that you’re in a committed long-term relationship and two, that each knows the other’s HIV status. A condom is always the best bet to protect against STIs so please make sure you have one on hand. And YES! It is still needed if you’re planning on starting off with a blowjob.
I strongly suggest the new Lady Saw “Love you with my heels on” and if you can handle it, keep the heels on. Can you see the importance of a smooth leg here? I’ve never seen a hairy leg in stiletto that looked attractive so please commit to Tip #1. Kelly Rowland’s “Motivation” is also high on my list of bedroom ballads so you can either hook your phone into some speakers or play it from Youtube.
Both these songs give the woman a lead role the bedroom and unfortunately you weren’t doing all those stretches to impress him in Missionary….doggy-style is a bit played out too. So here are some new ones.
- The standing Wheelbarrow –
*maniacal laugh* Trust me, he’ll remember this for months to come and his friends won’t hear the end of it. Blind fold him and give him more pleasure through his pores and the surface of his skin than he’ll get with his eyes. Let him imagine what you’re doing because he’ll be crafting even more sensuous images in his mind’s eye. This tip should take up most of the weekend, however the lead up is important to the process.
Include food, toys and games to make each day (not only in the nights,please) feel like an adventure.
Here are some sexy games you can explore
Talk, talk, talk. Not the nagging, oh-my-god-I-can’t-stand-my-boss kind. I’m talking the dirty kind. Ask him if he likes what you’re doing; make him put into words how he feels (or attempt to…his loss of words may arouse you in ways you never expected). Tell him what you would like him to do and how well he’s doing at it. Call him names (not that of your ex -__-) and come up with little pet names that you reserve only for the bedroom. The more pleasure you receive from the encounter the more relaxed you’ll both feel and if you’re doing it right, the more intense the orgasms. Yes, that’s plural! The aim is to outperform. Give him a minimum of two, raise the bar, burn him out!!!
Don’t be afraid to step out of the conservative shell of drone-like intimacy. Sex can do the most amazing things to the body and mind so don’t deny yourself the joy of exploration, discovery and addiction.
I hope this helps to set the tone for you and yours this V-Day. Make the extra effort to claim this weekend and spend time with the man you love.
Feel free to post your comments below and follow me @kryticalmind